January 17, 2010

Somedays I feel really lonely. Here I am with a husband that I swear works 24/7, and a crazy life that seems to be almost overwhelming at times. I know Owen works hard for the benefit of the family. I just wish he would understand that sometimes work is just work, and his family needs him more. But then again, he just wants to make sure that we are taken care of. Oh well I have been through worse. I just miss being close to my family sometimes. Living away from everyone gets lonely. We are lucky that we aren't that far away, but because of our schedule, visits that last more than a few hours is really hard to come by. I have some really good friends up here, but I have found that friends come and go, family is the only consistent relationships that we can always count on. I tend to be the kind of person that really likes pretty much everyone I meet. And it is just hard that those friendships don't seem to last once it isn't convenient. I think what is getting me started is that I just spent a few moments on facebook. And really the comments are just hollow, no real concern seems to be felt by anyone. I really would like to converse and keep in touch with the many people that I so admire and respect. However, I am grossly disapointed by the meaningless chatter, and the pretty much repetitious words. Facebook is a really lousy way to keep in touch and build strong friendships. Unfortunatly, I feel like most of my time is spent studying, not building friendships. Even at school, my first thought is I need to get home to my family. I struggle with taking time for myself because, to me, family comes first. And when it comes down to it. My family are my best friends. I am so grateful that I have them.
School takes up a lot of my time. And any of my spare moments when I am not doing homework or going to class, I spend with my kids. I feel guilty to spend any more time away from them then I already do. It is amazing that Owen and I have kept our relationship as strong as it is, when dating him is so rare. Our time together usually consists of me telling him to get up, bccause he has now had his 8 hours of sleep, and then he pretty much gets ready and heads off to work again. Wow, life doesn't always turn out the way you expect it, didn't we get married so we could spend more time with each other. Well, the only thing that keeps me going with school, is the many blessings and strong feelings I have had with me finishing my education. I feel really strong that I need this degree. Why, I am not completly sure, maybe it will just be a great supplemental income. I don't know. Maybe I am meant to teach children, which I have felt strongly about. In most of my life, I have never thought of myself as a teacher, but now I can't see myself doing anything else (other than being a great mother and wife of course).
Tonight I spent several hours just singing. How I miss singing more. Singing and playing the piano are my true stress relievers in my life. I am just grateful that over the years I have been able to continue developing the talent of singing. I really lack confidence in a lot of ways with my voice. However, I have begun to realize that I am really improving. The only problem is, is that I am hard pressed to find time to practice. If I could, I would continue lessons, but I don't like taking more time than I have to away from my family. And in all reality, when I take lessons, music for me again becomes a stress, instead of my stress relief. My ward loves it when I perform, and over and over agian they tell me how well I do. I guess I don't know what to say. A part of me doesn't want to believe them. But another part of me feels so proud. I try really hard not to put myself above others when it comes to music. I really feel that music is for everyone, not just the naturally talented. And when someone tells me they always wanted to sing, but can't. I just look at them, and tell them that it took me years to sing as well as I do. I did not start out with that so called "natural talent". Singing for the most part is a matter of knowing how and hard work. I believe that almost everyone can learn to sing. And who cares how you sound. Singing is for everyone. Belt it out, I am just glad that you are singing. My dad taught me this. He is not the most on key man, but he sings anyway. He is a great example to me.
I just have to say again how blessed I am to have the family that I have. Both sides. Owen's family are amazing people, that I respect and love with all my heart. In fact sometimes I feel a little intimidated by there communication skills, and their memories. I study hard, and still feel like I forget everything I learned after I take the final. But, if you ask a Thompson, they seem to remember everything. They are amazing people. I love my family as well. Yes, we are a bit odd, with our workaholic ADD ethic. But hey, we are happy go lucky people, that just want to get things done. The one thing I love the most about my family is that they just love and accept everyone. I just hope everyday that I can live up to the expectations of both my families. They all are the most amazing people I have ever known.

Kimberly Thompson